Holy crap! I can't believe I've waited so long to finish this story. You probably don't even want to know how it ends, do you? All I can say is: Sorry I'm such a slacker. :(
Okay, to catch up you should probably read the first three installments. Unless you don't want to, but if that's the case then why would you want to read this one?
And now . . . Part Four!
About a week had passed after dumping the hideous Big O Big Foot All Terrain Tire on Jarred (a.k.a. Best Brother-in-Law ever!) and everything was perfect. The new BFG's were great! The spare was securely fastened on the tire swing thanks to Chet, my sister's large in stature, and very useful boyfriend. Hank was looking good. There were still a few things to do, like build brackets on the tire swing for my cute, new, red Jerry Cans that I tricked my brother, Mark, into getting for me for Christmas, 2007; and buy all of the other stuff I've been wanting. That would take a lot of money though, and getting the money would take time. So the rhino-liner, rock sliders, and red high-lift jack I'd been wanting for years would just have to wait. That's okay - I could be patient.
While all of this tire drama was happening to me, making me miserable, and basically ruining my life, my friends, Arin and Troy, were experiencing an extreme amount of joy in their lives. Arin was pregnant with their first child and they were about to move into the beautiful new home they had just built in Hooper. Of course they would need some help getting things ready, so after work one day I volunteered to pick up some Costco pizza and make the trip up to Hooper to help paint and tile. I absolutely LOVE Costco pizza - I think it is so delicious! But one thing you should know, Costco pizza, like everything else at Costco, is huge! I had originally planned to put the 3 massive pizza boxes on the floor of the front seat, but they were too big. So then I thought about putting them in the back seat, but what if they blew away? I didn't have the top or the doors on my jeep at the time and things, sometimes rather large things, fly out of my car if they're not securely fastened. I didn't want 3 Costco pizzas to fly out and land on the car traveling behind me, so I decided the best option would be to buckle them into the front seat and drive with one hand on the steering wheel and one had on the pizza, only letting go to shift.
I thought driving with one hand on the pizza at all times would prove be a difficult task, but it wasn't. I am such a fast shifter that my hand never left that pizza for more than a second. That pizza wasn't going anywhere. I'll admit, at that moment I was feeling a little cocky. I was totally rockin this driving with pizza thing, so why not kick it up a notch? I turned up the stereo, pulled into the fast lane and stepped on the gas, I was going to get there in no time. Something was wrong though. Instead of accelerating, I was slowing down. What the crap? I stepped on the gas harder but it was no use, I was still slowing down. Then all of a sudden, I felt the steering wheel jerk out of my left hand. To avoid running head on into a cement barrier I grabbed the wheel with both hands. The pizza box flipped open and by the time I was able to bring my car to a stop, Costco pizza was everywhere! I glanced back at the rear drivers side tire, which was now just a puddled mess. As I stared at it in horror, numerous horns honked from behind me and about a mile back a Highway Patrol car flipped on it's lights.
Just then I remembered what the creepy man said about karma . . .
To be continued . . .
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