A Little Mud's Never Hurt Nobody

(**edit** The nickname of "Large Marge" was voted out by a majority of my readers. "Large Marge" is now referred to as "Hard Core Beks" or "HC")

It's a typical summer Sunday afternoon, we've already been to church, had our nappers, eaten a mid-day meal and watched several infomercials. So what's next? Muddin' of course!

There are several names for this activity: Muddin', Wheelin, Jeepin', Rock Climbin' and the list goes on - as long as it involves a Jeep and you drop the "g" any word for this activity will work. In this case, we are definitely going to use the term Muddin'. You'll see why in a second.

As previously mentioned, it's a summer afternoon and a nice one at that, so we decided to take Hank's top off. You're probably wondering why in the world is the top not already off - it's June 8th for goodness sakes! Let's not even go there - it's been a sore subject for me for a good 6 weeks now. Stupid Freakishly Cold and Unpredictable Weather! But it was actually a nice day - so off went the top and in went the four wanna-be adventure hunters. What started out as a nice leisurely drive in the mountains soon turned into one of the most gruesome epics of all time!

(Names and locations have been changed in order to protect the witnesses.)

Notorious N.I.C. and Mare Bear were busy fixing the broken headlight on Mare Bear's motorcycle while Chester sat quietly observing, an odd occurrence for Chester since he often offers advice based on the fact that he is actually quite knowledgeable in all things. Hard Core Beks was also busy, it was her job to find suitable blankets and warm clothing for the upcoming adventure. Notorious and the Bear had just finished securing the last screw on the still broken headlight just as HC's patience ran out. "Hey ya'll! Are we goin' or what!" yelled HC, in a rather commanding voice. Notorious, a scrappy young fella rushed right over out of excitement. He sheepishly eyed the drivers seat but was determined to play the humble card and went for the passenger door instead. HC gave Notorious a curious look and shoved the keys into his hand. "I thought we'd already talked about this." said HC with a grin. "Really?!" Notorious beamed. HC chuckled slightly "yes, Notorious, you're drivin', lets go already!" It was all Notorious could do not to jump up and down right there. It was the first time Notorious got to drive Good Ol' Hank, a task he had longed for since their meeting three weeks earlier. HC, in the passenger seat and the Bear, in the back, got situated with their blankets placed snuggly over their laps as they waited for Chester who was not-small in stature, try to squeeze into the tiny Jeep. "HC, could you scooch your chair up a little? Chester is cramped back here!" whined the Bear. "Oh yeah, sorry Chester." HC said as she quickly adjusted her seat. "Ready?" Notorious said anxiously. To that he got a unanimous "Ready!" from the other three.

HC, the stellar navigator that she is, coached Notorious through the unfamiliar streets and they arrived at their destination no more than five minutes later. The four of them wound their way up the bumpy trail of the mountain side for what seemed like hours but in all actuality was only twenty minutes or so. They hadn't needed the four-wheel drive yet but once they got to Landbuck Trail, Hank was forced to push his pride aside and allow HC to climb under the Jeep to adjust the four-wheel drive. HC emerged from under the Jeep covered in dirt, mud and grease. Lucky for the other three still sitting comfortably in the Jeep, HC is one heck of a tuff girl and she wasn't about to let a messy shirt and hands get her down. "A little mud's never hurt nobody!" HC said proudly and once again they were off on their adventure.

Skipping over rocks and boulders, Hank flew down the side of that mountain. Hank and Notorious seemed to get along famously, which was evidenced by Notorious' comment of "my cheeks hurt", no doubt from the perma-grin that had been painted on his face ever since they left the house. With only a few complaints from tree branches to the face, it seemed as if the Bear and Chester were having an equal amount of fun canoodling in the back seat.

As they rounded the last corner of the trail, HC spotted two of the most beautiful mud puddles she had ever seen. Just as Notorious was about to ask "Which way now?" HC interjected with "How about if we check out those mud puddles?" which broadened Notorious' smile to an unmeasurable size. The first puddle was, as I like to say, easy peasy lemon squeezy. Hank rolled through that muddy water as if it were a pile of bubbles that parted with the slight breeze coming from Hank's engine. At this time all four passengers were shouting with joy and excitement, urging Notorious to do it again. Notorious whipped around faster than they could catch their breath and dove straight into the next puddle. It was about 5 seconds before all of them realized this puddle was much deeper than the last. They came to a screeching halt when they hit a wall of impenetrable earth. Hank started to smoke from water touching the sensitive parts of his underbelly. Notorious quickly threw it into reverse and stomped on the gas pedal. Just then a geyser of muddy water shot 20 feet straight up into the air and in slow motion came crashing down upon the four passengers. Screams only dogs could hear came out of the Bears mouth as the shower of mud and slime continued to pour. Mid-stream HC turned to Notorious and, bearing all her teeth, laughed harder than she ever has, ensuring a healthy amount of mud clots to get glued to her once-white teeth.

Through all his efforts, Hank just couldn't get out of the vast ocean of muck that once looked so appealing. Notorious kept trying to rock it back and forth, time after time, but Hank just seemed to sink deeper and deeper. By this time, the Bear had had enough mud, slime, muck and yuck. Her new hoodie was ruined and her favorite blanket was soaked and smelly. So the Bear took her chance to exit the vehicle and leave the unplunging of Hank to the rest of us. She was, however, ready with phone in hand to call any and all truck owners to rescue us.

Chester hopped on the back bumper in an effort to distribute the weight in the car in a different way. Well as luck may have it, the readjustment of the weight did the trick and Hank, the proud and sturdy Jeep that he is, wrestled his way out of that sticky mess, like only a champ would do. This is, after all, what Hank lives and breathes for.

All passengers were loaded back into the vehicle and they spent the next 20 minutes of the drive home recounting each members version of the nights event. As soon as they got home they grabbed the camera to memorialize this momentous evening.

Chester, Mare Bear, Notorious N.I.C. and Hard Core Beks

1 Car Wash . . . $20.00 4 Loads of Laundry . . . $12.00
2 Pairs of New Sunglasses . . . $30.00
. . .
1 Happy Hank . . . Priceless!